Ah, boy. Remember this?

Crystal Pepsi was a a product of — who else? — PepsiCo back in 1992, launched to a huge marketing blitz and great sales… for a while, at least. Things tapered off, and Pepsi pulled the plug and the product from the marketplace, though not before taking one last quick stab at it with a reformulated citrus version called “Crystal from Pepsi,” but that too was short-lived.

Since then, there have been those who have sought the return of the product, even in a relatively limited capacity, and I count myself among those numbers who enjoyed it and would love to have another Crystal Pepsi “right now.” Hey, if the Coca-Cola company can bring back Surge, then why not Crystal Pepsi?

More recently, some hints began dropping on Pepsi’s Twitter account, and then we got this:

Crystal Pepsi is back! Time to rejoice, right?

Well, after suffering through “The Pepsi Perfect Debacle” — twice — my skepticism that Pepsi would do right by us here was immediate:

This is great news for all of the few thousand people around the world who’ll get to enjoy it for just $19.92 per bottle. =P

As it turns out, I’d hit the nail pretty dang close to on the head without even knowing all the details. Pepsi is using Crystal Pepsi to promote their “Pepsi Pass” app for a whopping two days in December, wherein you can spend points previously accumulated to enter three times a day (six total) for a chance to win one of 13,000 six-packs of the drink. Incidentally, if they “never shut down,” I’d have expected them to make a little bit more than that in the last 20+ years.

Heck, my comment was being facetious, but all the same, I’m not surprised. Nor am I surprised by their FAQ, which confirms that no one outside of the United States can partake in this, either.

Q: Why is this product not available to consumers outside of the U.S.?

A: Crystal Pepsi is available for shipping to addresses within the U.S. only.

Wow, way to dodge your own question that you asked yourself, Pepsi. Piccolo would be proud.

They’ve even got nerve to change their YouTube and Twitter avatars to the Crystal Pepsi logo.

At this point, it’s apparent that only Mtn Dew fans are worthy enough in the eyes of PepsiCo to get any of their drinks back for any sort of actual retail release for any period of time, “Dewmocracy” and limited runs of Pitch Black and all that. It should not be easier to get a McRib than it is to get a Crystal Pepsi, but here we are.

One guy I know has been really “Jonesing” for a Crystal Pepsi return is Brad Jones, aka “The Cinema Snob.” He seems to have summed up how the board meeting which led to this went down perfectly over on his Tumblr.

As for me, personally? This just makes me not want to support their future experiments and endeavors for fear of being jerked around. Hell, for a company whose primary product is soda, I’ll bet they’re turning a lot of their supporters on to water (or Coke) right about now.

David Oxford is a freelance writer of many varied interests. If you’re interested in hiring him, please drop him a line at david.oxford (at) nyteworks.net.

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