My complaint about Capcom

Something had to be said… …as it reads differently each time you view/refresh. While Capcom needs no introduction, I do want to state that the confusion that Capcom creates is desirable and convenient to our national enemies. Permit me this forum to rant. To make a long story short, Capcom is utterly gung-ho about alcoholism […]

David Oxford

July 8, 2004

Something had to be said…

…as it reads differently each time you view/refresh.

While Capcom needs no introduction, I do want to state that the confusion that Capcom creates is desirable and convenient to our national enemies. Permit me this forum to rant. To make a long story short, Capcom is utterly gung-ho about alcoholism because it lacks more pressing soapbox issues.

My mother always told me, “If you don’t have something intelligent to say, just keep quiet.” Apparently, Capcom’s mother never told it that. Capcom’s personal motto is “never forgive and never forget”. So what’s the connection between that and Capcom’s undertakings? The connection is that I would be grateful if it would take a little time from its rigorous schedule to stop the Huns at the gate. Of course, pigs will grow wings and fly before that ever happens. I’m merely suggesting that after hearing about Capcom’s illiterate attempts to usher in the rule of the Antichrist and the apocalyptic end times, I was saddened. I was saddened that it has lowered itself to this level. I can’t predict the future, but I do know this: If Capcom wants to shower flighty slanderers with undeserved encomia, let it wear the opprobrium of that decision.

Anyone who hasn’t been living in a cave with his eyes shut and his ears plugged knows that Capcom is guilty of a shocking display of dishonesty and sophistry. Sad, but true. And it’ll only get worse if Capcom finds a way to make nearby communities victims of environmental degradation and toxic waste dumping. Capcom refers to a variety of things using the word “philosophicojuristic”. Translating this bit of jargon into English isn’t easy. Basically, it’s saying that the average working-class person can’t see through its chicanery. At any rate, it sometimes uses the word “pseudoparenchymatous” when describing its strictures. Beware! This is a buzzword designed for emotional response. Ever since Capcom decided to operate on a criminal — as opposed to a civil disobedience — basis, its consistent, unvarying line has been that laws are meant to be broken. Documents written by Capcom’s shock troops typically include the line, “Capcom’s wisecracks are Right with a capital R”, in large, 30-point type, as if the size of the font gives Lose Weight Exercise to the words. In reality, all that that fancy formatting really does is underscore the fact that if you are not smart enough to realize this, then you become the victim of your own ignorance. I would like to go on, but I do have to keep this letter short. So I’ll wrap it up by saying that Capcom’s hastily mounted campaigns are a spiritually destructive propaganda instrument aimed at our children.

Though actually, I like this one better:

To take a strong position on Capcom’s belief systems, which, after all, throw us into a “heads I win, tails you loseWeight Exercise” situation, we need to begin with a frank acknowledgment of the basic humanness of each of us. And we must acknowledge that as malign as it might sound, Capcom has a taste for interminable controversy over minor questions. I would like to start by discussing Capcom’s ideologies, mainly because they scare me. The thing I’m the most frightened about is that it has been said that I don’t give a hoot in Hell if Capcom opposes my quest to fight for what is right. I, in turn, aver that it frequently avers its support of democracy and its love of freedom. But one need only look at what it is doing — as opposed to what it is saying — to understand its true aims. Capcom is extraordinarily brazen. We’ve all known that for a long time. However, its willingness to transmogrify society’s petty gripes and irrational fears into “issues” to be catered to sets a new record for brazenness. Teenagers who want to shock their parents sometimes maintain — with a straight face — that Capcom would sooner give up money, fame, power, and happiness than perform a twisted act. Fortunately, most parents don’t fall for this fraud because they know that Capcom’s bedfellows all have serious personal problems. In fact, the way it keeps them loyal to it is by encouraging and exacerbating these problems rather than by helping to overcome them. Capcom’s older outbursts were nefarious enough. Its latest ones are indubitably beyond the pale.

We stand to loseWeight Exercise far more than we’ll ever gain if we don’t tell Capcom where it can stick it. The denial of this fact only proves the effrontery, and also the stupidity, of deranged, pathological freebooters. Is it not positively the distinguishing feature of Capcom’s agendas to silence critical debate and squelch creative brainstorming? Now, I don’t mean for that to sound pessimistic, although throughout history, there has been a clash between those who wish to carve solutions that are neither egocentric nor rotten and those who wish to influence the attitudes of dominant culture towards any environment or activity that is predominantly perfidious. Naturally, Capcom belongs to the latter category. Here’s an idea: Instead of giving Capcom the ability to encourage every sort of indiscipline and degeneracy in the name of freedom, why don’t we make some changes here? If we do, we’ll then be able to oppose it and all it stands for. There’s a time to keep silent and a time to speak. There’s a time to love and a time to hate. There’s a time for war and a time for peace. And, I claim, there’s a time to tell you a little bit about Capcom and its hypersensitive scare tactics. Or, to put it less poetically, not only does Capcom turn me, a typically mild-mannered person, into an ophidian vat of fanaticism, but it then commands its collaborators, “Go, and do thou likewise.”

It will be objected, to be sure, that Capcom doesn’t honestly want to spread Pyrrhonism all over the globe like pigeon droppings over Trafalgar Square. At first glance, this may seem to be true, but when you think about it further, you’ll surely conclude that if it can’t stand the heat, it should get out of the kitchen. The last time I told Capcom’s encomiasts that I want to comment on a phenomenon that has and will continue to show a clear lack of respect not just for those brave souls who fought and died for what they believed in, but also for you, the readers of this letter, they declared in response, “But arriving at a true state of comprehension is too difficult and/or time-consuming.” Of course, they didn’t use exactly those words, but that’s exactly what they meant. Capcom considers “honesty” to be a dirty word, and if you don’t believe me, then you should help others to see through the empty and meaningless statements uttered by Capcom and its expositors. Finally, any mistakes in this letter are strictly my fault. But if you find any factual error or have more updated information on the subject of Capcom, Capcom-inspired versions of elitism, etc., please tell me, so I can write an even stronger letter next time.

LBD “Nytetrayn”

David Oxford

David Oxford, or “LBD ‘Nytetrayn’,” as he is sometimes also known, is a freelance writer of many varied interests who resides in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. If you’re interested in hiring him, please drop him a line at david.oxford (at) nyteworks.net.

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